Ask a Liberal

Palin?

An Asked Liberal — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 13:04:09 -0400

PALIN PICK 9/1/08

Hey Lib,

What do you make of McCain
picking Sarah Palin as his running mate?

Sincerely,

McCainiac in Bedford, IN

Dear McCainiac,

Give me a second, I haven’t
stopped laughing yet. And then I’m going to dance up the walls and
across the ceiling of my apartment like Fred Astaire in “Royal Wedding,”
then skip down the street singing “Feeling Groovy.” OK, all done.
To answer your question, I think it was a big mistake. Now, woo hoo!
One more cartwheel!

This is the worst pick since
the San Diego Chargers mortgaged their franchise to select Ryan Leaf
in the 1998 draft. If you’ve never heard of Ryan Leaf, consider my
point made. In fact, Ryan Leaf would have made a better choice for VP.
I presume he had a passport before 2007, the year Sarah Palin applied
for her first one.

Ya gotta have faith?

Gen. JC Christian — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 01:07:07 -0400

Dear
General,

Conservatives talk a lot about their faith, but I really don't
see any of you putting it into action. That is, unless, sacrificing the lives
and security of working and middle class Americans to benefit of the privileged
is a basic tenant of your faith. Tell me General, what do conservatives believe?
What do you mean when you talk about "faith."

Skeptical in Squim,
WA

Dear Skeptical,

We believe in the very rightness of our
beliefs, That is our faith.

One of my favorite warbloggers, Cheryl
McElroy of The Foxhole, serves as a great example of someone who devoutly
practices our faith. She believes an islamunistofascist cabal is
plotting to impose Sharia law in the United States and eventually assimilate it
into a world-wide caliphate.

To most people, that might sound absolutely
insane given the complete lack of clout Muslims have in America. But that
doesn't matter, because Cheryl believes in the very rightness of her
beliefs.

And it's more than just faith with her. She translates that
belief into action. Many of you may recall last year's brouhaha involving a blogger at The New Republican. The blogger, a soldier named Scott
Beauchamp provided America's internal enemies with political fodder when he
wrote that some of the guys in his unit liked to run over dogs and play with
dead children's skulls.

Well, Cheryl went after him with a vengeance. She
wrote his First Sear gent, John E. Hatley, and tore into
Beauchamp. Hatley responded, denying Beauchamp's claims, vouching for the
character of the men in his unit, and hinting that Beauchamp was a problem
soldier. His email was damning. Beauchamp was forced to resign from
TNR.

A McCain Kind of Tolerance

Gen. JC Christian — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 21:44:21 -0400

Dear General,

McCain's supporters talk glowingly about his
character, but I can't think of a single positive quality he possesses. He's a
spoiled son of privilege who cheated on his first wife and divorced her after
she became disabled; was a major player in the savings and loan scandal,
violates the provisions of his own campaign financing law, changes his position
on important issues like torture and abortion to serve whatever political need
he has on a specific day; serves as the oil industry's trained monkey, and is so
out of touch he doesn't even know how many homes he owns.

What is it that
you see in McCain's character that makes you so supportive of
him?

Incredulous in Indiana

It's his compassion and
willingness to help others that attracts me to him. Take his treatment of his
old Naval Academy roommate, Frank Gamboa, for example.

Gamboa was one of
the first Mexican-Americans allowed to attend the Naval Academy. Being the first
wasn't easy, and he became the target of some pretty vicious race-inspired
hazing. Sen. McCain was one of his most enthusiastic persecutors, calling him
"Mex" and giving him a very hard time. But he did so out of love, later explaining that he was simply preparing Gamboa for the racial
discrimination he'd face as an officer in the fleet.

I'd like to think
that's the same reasoning he employed when he called his wife a cunt. He was
toughening her up for the hardship she'd face as a beer heiress and wife of a US
Senator.

Dancing Queen?

An Asked Liberal — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:00:02 -0400

Hey Lib,

What do you make of the fact
that John McCain chose ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” as his favorite
song?

Sincerely,

Super Trouper in Norwich, CT

Dear Trouper,

It would be a cause for serious
concern, if John McCain were running for the job of wedding DJ instead
of president. Which is not to say that McCain’s musical tastes aren’t
cause for at least some concern. He is, after all, courting the electorate,
and one of the rituals of modern courtship is to bestow a mixed tape
or CD upon the beloved as a sign of serious intent. Here then is the
list of John McCain’s complete top 10 favorite songs of all time,
as revealed to Blender magazine.

1. Dancing Queen, ABBA

2. Blue Bayou, Roy Orbison

3. Take a Chance On Me, ABBA

4. If We Make It Through December,
Merle Haggard

5. As Time Goes By, Dooley
Wilson

6. Good Vibrations, The Beach
Boys

7. What A Wonderful World,
Louis Armstrong

8. I've Got You Under My Skin,
Frank Sinatra

OLYMPICS Too Patriotic for you?

An Asked Liberal — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:32:34 -0400

Hey Lib,

Do you libs have a problem with a little display of patriotic pride during the Olympics? USA Number 1!

Sincerely,

Patriotic Fan in Cumberland, MD

Dear Fan,

We liberals believe that you do not judge the worth of a nation by its ability to coerce its prepubescent girls into performing floor exercises to Muzak versions of 80’s hits. And we disapprove of jingoistic displays. I hesitate to say that, but only because most conservatives think “jingoistic” means “having a catchy tune.” Not that the Olympics didn’t start with high ideals—during the ancient games wars were suspended so that the games could take place. Unfortunately, we don’t suspend hostilities these days, or the US could save a cool $720 million a day in Iraq, or a total of more than $12 billion over the 17 days of these Olympics.

DRILLING FOR LIBS?

An Asked Liberal — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:46:29 -0400

Hey Lib,

Why do you libs oppose drilling
for oil here in America?

Sincerely,

Drilling Proponent in Tulia,
TX

Dear Proponent,

Liberals oppose domestic drilling
for oil as a way of addressing the energy crisis for the same reasons
we oppose addressing our budget problems by searching the sofa cushions
for spare change. Anything we find would hardly make a dent in the shortfall.
And the sofa cushion analogy isn’t even strictly appropriate: a search
of my sofa cushions is unlikely to release toxic substances. Notice
I said “unlikely.” I’ve had a few people surfing my couch whose
effluvia would undoubtedly kill a cormorant.